Whatever Happened to “Please” and “Thank You”?

Is it just me, or have you also noticed that people seem to be increasingly cranky, rude and self-absorbed these days? Take social media. Don’t you find that it’s a bit impolite and narcissistic at times? Do we really need to know EVERYTHING you’ve done all day?

“Please” and “thank you” have all but disappeared.  And the anonymity afforded by the Internet seems to have unleashed a flood of negative and nasty comments that years ago would have kept Proctor & Gamble soap distributors in business.

Enough already.

I recently read Rules of Civility by Amor Towles, a novel set in the late 1930s in New York City. It’s a great story and I highly recommend it.  The reason I mention it here is what caught my attention in the Appendix: “The Young George Washington’s Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and in Conversation.”  Who knew?

Apparently this is not the first time our society has suffered from a lack of kindness, civility and manners. Originally from a list made by French Jesuits in 1595, Washington wrote out the rules as a handwriting exercise when he was a teenager. There are 110 of them.  I won’t share them all, but here are four that seem especially relevant today.

1^st – Every Action done in company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.
Indeed.

25^th – Superfluous Compliments and all Affectation of Ceremonie are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected.  
Say what you mean and mean what you say.

82^nd – Undertake not what you cannot Perform and be Careful to keep your Promise. 
Do what you say you are going to do.

110^th – Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Celestial fire Called Conscience.
THINK before you speak, before you write, before you act.

In the spirit of George Washington, I’d like to add some modern-day rules to the list. So here are Karen’s Rules of Civility.

1. 1. Smile – even at a stranger – you never know what amazing things may come of it.
   2. Say “Please.” Always.
   3. Say “Thank you” and acknowledge the gift or deed or service received.
   4. Remember, we are all human; we have good days and bad days. Don’t glory in someone else’s bad day.
   5. Listen. Put down your cell phone and engage in conversation.
   6. Be kind to one another. (Borrowed from Ellen DeGeneres).
   7. Say: “Yes, and…” not “Yes, but…” Be positive!  See the possibilities…
   8. Tell the truth. Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

Thank you for listening.

Till next time,

Karen